Will Ireland win Eurovision? Not if this lot have anything to say

The word Eurovision sends a shivers of pure horror through some, and waves of pleasure through others. Flux falls into the latter category. The Eurovision is possibly the only entity in the world that has remained unaffected by recession depression, and Flux urges everyone to enjoy the cringefest on May 16 without guilt.

The 51st Eurovision will take place in Moscow and this year the contest is undergoing some changes. Juries and viewers will each have a 50% stake in the outcome, which will reduce the risk of Eastern European block-voting. Irish Eurovision entries blossomed during the jury era of yesteryear, so it is possible we will benefit from the new voting system.

Dustin failed to set Belgrade alight at last year’s Eurovision. This year’s Irish entry is panto starlet Sinead Mulvey with the chirpy pop/rock number Et Cetera. However with bookmaker Paddy Power giving them odds of 50-1 to win, our chances don’t look too great.

So who is our main competition? Norway are the bookies’ favourite with an entry that blends pop, classical and Norwegian folk music into one winning Euroformula. Their singer is 22-year old Alexander Rybak, a doe-eyed violinist.

Next on the bookies’ list is Greece: one for fans of dodgy 90s pop. The group’s lead singer has a crotch-thrust rate of 90 thrusts per minute though, which makes for interesting viewing. There’s a reason why the camera only shoots him from the waist up before the watershed.

Britain’s entry, singer Jade Ewen, looks suspiciously like Leona Lewis. Ewen repeatedly bleats “It’s my time now… all mine…” without any backup singers or dancers to soften the blow. Her dress appears to be 99% diamonds, which obviously cash-strapped folks all over the continent will warm to.

Society dictates that watching Eurovision of your own free will is about the most uncool thing on the planet a student can do on a (usually) rather balmy Saturday May evening.

But Flux urges you all to sit back and enjoy this year’s show. Forget about assignment deadlines and exams; we all need a night off from learning. To paraphrase Eurovision’s great Johnny Logan, what’s another night, to someone who’ll probably fail anyway?

Flux’s advice is to crack open a bottle of red wine and embrace the cheese.