Who you gonna call? Most Haunted…

Yvette Fielding has become one of the most familiar faces on television since 2002. Along with her husband, Karl Beattie, they produce and present the show Most Haunted where the ‘team’ search for ghosts and ghouls. Their paranormal investigation team isn’t exactly Ghostbusters. Have we seen any ghosts? No.

The first season was extremely theatrical, like a bad Meat Loaf video; dry ice swirling round the exterior of buildings. It was hard to take it seriously, never mind Derek Acorah. The ex-Liverpool footballer and resident medium looked like a rock star about to take the stage with all his glitz and glamour.

Often ‘possessed’ by spirit entities, Derek suddenly disappeared from the show but was recently seen trying to speak to the spirit of Michael Jackson on Sky1. Clearly, the career still remains strong.

Why do we watch Most Haunted? Well, there’s nothing funnier than watching Yvette and make-up artist Kath lock themselves into a old dark room and watch them scare themselves silly. Kath’s over the top shrieks have become an annoying mainstay of the programme; the poor girl screams at anything. Don’t old buildings have draughts and creaks anyway? Imagine if she actually did see a ghost.

Our intrepid adventurers, Karl and his sidekick, cameraman Stewart, go boldly where no-one else will go. Perhaps paranormal activity does cause them to keel over occasionally but if not, they have managed to perfect the art of being overcome by mystical beings in sync.

We’ve seen the crew conduct experiments with electricity, sound and do séances. They carefully sit around a table with and upturned glass trying to find answers. Ooooooooh.

Here’s the thing. While I’ve seen more Most Haunted than I should have admit to, I have never seen them disprove that it’s their legs moving the table. It’s pretty easy for them to fool us into thinking the glass is moving: aren’t they pushing it anyway? But I’ve never seen two cameras in action during a séance. That’s all it would take to disprove that don’t move the table with their legs.

Most Haunted is a terrible TV show, a fleck of dust is classed as an anomaly. A cool breeze is the ghost of Henry VIII. We still watch it perhaps it’s because all the team’s work is carried out without any lights on, which reminds me - what time is Dating In the Dark on at?