By Niamh Devereux
We all have those nights. When a cheap bottle of wine from Tesco and the ‘three Jagerbombs for a tenner’ deal seems like a great idea – until the next morning. You lie in bed feeling like death is imminent, and grimace from both the pounding headache and those dreaded flashbacks. There is nothing worse than remembering your cringey antics from the night before and hoping that you still have friends. The following stories highlight how alcohol is, more often than not, a detrimental factor in our lives.
1) Glenn, 20, UCD. “I don’t exactly remember this happening, but was well informed the next day. Apparently I was kicked out of the nightclub and decided to take a little nap outside the cinema while I waited for everyone else to come out. My friends found me passed out with the Gardai circled around me, pointing and laughing. They brought me to the taxi office where I stumbled into the toilet, which they found me in half an hour later, slumped against the wall having wet myself. I woke up the next morning in a friend’s house, with no memory, smelling quite unpleasant and missing a shoe.”
2) Chloe Smith, 21, St. Pats. “A crowd of my friends and I were overloaded in our local taxi driver Cathy’s bus on the way to a 21st. The Guards noticed this and began to follow us, so good ole Cathy took a detour and pulled in to her house, which she shares with her girlfriend – another local taxi driver. While she was waiting for her girlfriend to arrive with another bus, I thought it’d be hilarious to run around her house taking pictures of the couple’s bed and let their dogs out, which I don’t know what happened to. When I got back in to the taxi, I continued to torment poor Cathy, shaking her seat and singing loudly- until she lost her temper, stopped the bus, came around to where I was sitting, slapped me in the face and put on my seatbelt. I haven’t been able to look her in the eye since.”
3) Cathy Cannon, 21, DCU. “A few months ago, I fell asleep in the toilets of the Porterhouse and when I woke up the whole place was deserted. All the lights were off and I didn’t know how to get out so I thought it’d be a good idea to try and barge through the chained doors. This managed to set off the alarm and caused five squad cars to land down. The Guards were fairly shocked to find me in there!”
4) Lucy O’Flanagan, 21, UCD. “One night I got so drunk that I had to be taken home from a 21st. My dad opened the front door just as I tumbled sideways into the flowerpots and he had to carry me into my room. If that wasn’t bad enough, when my mam came down to see what was wrong, she opened the bedroom door to see me peeing on my bed, shouting ‘Mam get out, I’m on the toilet!’ The next day was fairly awkward.”
5) Sarah Murphy, 20, DIT. “I went on a holiday to Lanzarote last summer, and one night after one too many drinks, I passed out at a house party. I didn’t think anything of it until the next day when I discovered there was a video circulating of me being ‘tea-bagged’ by one of the boys at the party. Not only did all my friends see the lovely video, but he used it to get tourists into the nightclub we worked in, and also showed my boss.”
As Ron Burgundy once said, ‘Stay Classy.’ Although he obviously has never drank cheap Tesco wine.