DCU? Are you actually kidding me?

Oh my God I am going to die. And I don’t mean die like the time Sorcha’s Dad bought her a second hand Merc for her graduation, I mean actually die. Someone here is going to kill me. Well, they could.

My Dad said that since my driver was off today because his wife is having a baby or liposuction or something, I have to take the bus to college. The bus. Like a pauper. If anyone saw me going past on the peasant wagon I was never going to live it down. Besides, UCD isn’t even that far from my house, I can walk there if I want to. Getting to college on my own would be fine.

The number 11 stops near college. This is easy. Or at least it would have been, until I fell asleep. It took a few minutes for me to realise something wasn’t right.

Wait, why are the letters backwards? What the hell am I doing in DCU? Am I going to meet a real life peasant?

It looks like it. These people are walking around wearing jerseys and tracksuits just like the guys at home, but these are the totally wrong type of jersey and tracksuit. They’re wearing GAA jerseys, and they’re not even doing it ironically, they’re actually wearing them. What even are O Neills anyway? I really miss seeing guys walking around coming from rugby in Leinster jerseys and Cantos.

The girls aren’t  much better. They’re all wearing Ugg boots, but they’re not even real. You can tell it’s the fake kind they got in Penneys last week so they can try and look sophisticated. It’s not working. And they’re wearing their doughnut buns wrong, it’s not meant to be on the top of your head if you want to look classy. God.

The place is so small too. I thought since I’m in what might as well be a foreign country I’d be so lost, but it’s like walking around in a circle. It’s just so tiny. I heard people complain about how far away the library was from some building there and I nearly had a fit. That’s so cute. Try wandering around UCD on your first day when the campus is the size of the sun.

At least there’s a Starbucks. Even though there may as well not be, since it’s hidden away in a tiny restaurant right at the back of the place. Like, who’s gonna stumble across that and get a mocha chi latte on their way to lectures?

And if I hear someone go on about NuBar chicken goujons one more time I am going to scream. They’ll never replace a fillet steak.

Aoife Bennett

Image credit: [jackalope] via flickr

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