Satire: SU run out of themed weeks

Terror has gripped the DCU student body in the last 48 hours as the Students’ Union announced that there are no themed weeks left to use.

Following on from the success of RAG Week, SHAG Week, SWAG Week, TXT SPEEK WK and Revolving Door Appreciation Week, the SU had turned their attention to plans for their next week.

This was when they realised that there were no themes left.

“To be fair, after Single Sock week, where the issue of one sock being lost in the wash was highlighted, I did begin to think that we might be running out of ideas,” admitted DCU Commander-In-Chief, Baile Átha O’Brien. “But after Hug UR Hun week, I thought we were right back on track. I’m devastated to find that there are no more themes left, but when we Googled ‘best themes for weeks’, we found that we had used them all.”

Reaction from the student body has mostly been of fear, with students expressing their despair at the fact that there will no longer be issues highlighted for them.

“How am I meant to know about fancy stuff like matching socks or revolving doors if I’m not told about it by someone else, I’m too young to think,” said one panicked Journalism final year student.

“I might have to leave college now, I was surviving on the free stuff they give out at those weeks, I can’t afford to buy my own tap water, I’ll starve,” was the reaction of a distraught Communications student.

The SU has now decided to switch to focusing on more prolonged campaigns as opposed to themes to highlight certain issues. The Walk a Minute in my Mullet campaign, where students wore wigs and walked from the Henry Grattan to the library in solidarity of those with bad haircuts, was extremely successful, raising over €600 to pay for a new male hair stylist.

The SU is keen to follow on with its success, and is now planning on launching the Fishing for Friends, where one lonely goldfish is paired with an enthusiastic first year buddy to keep them company.

“Sometimes fish can get lonely too, we all have feelings,” said the Commander-In-Chief. “I just hope that this manages to highlight the fact that we must not just think of people, we must also be aware of the severe demands placed on our waters since the start of the recession, and I feel that Fishing for Friends will do just that. We hope that this reassures the student population that we will still be able to highlight stuff for them, letting them know what’s going on and what’s important.”

Fishing for Friends will be launched next week by the head of the DCU Fish and Chips society, who have also been named “Best New Society based on food or drink”, leaving Tea Society members infuriated.

Paul O Donoghue

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