The sharpest fashion tongues in DCU are back, and like it or lump it, they’re going to say it as they see it.
Men, women, small children, welcome back!
To disguise my next topic as a case of style/fashion, we will discuss how stylish it is being utterly lolly-eyed, sucking out of a pint of Devil’s Bit and Poitín, swaying while smoking a ‘rolly’ filled with crushed up digestives. Not to mention the sick rolling down your shirt changing the pattern from check to whatever type of spud you ate for dinner.
Struggling to find your ex’s name in your phonebook, you reckon she’d be a decent tapping post to fall upon tonight. When finally found, you send something half-English, half-Turkish like “yoi outr tonijhu”.
Take another €20 out of the ATM for garlic cheese chips and ruin at least one girl’s life when she misses your succulent lips as you go in for the kill. Instead, she grazes your cheek and for her troubles, receives a face full of garlic sauce. But she’s okay; the seven inch thick layer of Sally Hansen will ensure the mayonnaise won’t play havoc on her beautiful complexion. And when it rains, Sally’s support shrinks and the hair de-volumes, but still, she remains positive Bobbi Brown would be impressed at the modern art alcohol has created on her face.
All the while, heels remain erect, just like the perception that she can walk and that she should really be a catwalk model. She kisses every guy she can get because she secretly enjoys sex a lot, but society would think she is such a whore if she got with guys without the excuse of being drunk.
Alcohol, like all other drugs is an enhancer, an enhancer to oneself. It’s a selfish act; no one benefits only you or maybe your friend if he/she has an infatuation with vomit. Alcohol is a killer; a killer of confidence, self-esteem, dignity, respect, self-control etc. All of the enhancements of alcohol can be achieved by socialising and remembering your successes and then you can actually speak to the opposite sex confidently.
Alcohol is your online dating profile; overstated and pathetic.
Welcome back hey! And how good it is to be back? It’s the final furlong for some (cue moment of silence to let this sink in). I know at this stage we have all managed to digest the leftover turkey & ‘hang sandwiches’ and the annual “How was the Christmas?” is a distant memory, but Happy New Year, how was the Christmas?
Hands up if you got the traditional Lynx gift set – the shower gel and deodorant that Granny assumes will help me in the search for true love, luring females with my oh so chocolate-y chocolate tang. That scent. Throw in a fresh pair of briefs and you’re ready to hunt.
Feeling like a modern day Pierce Brosnan, minus the slick suit, the slick car, the slick gadgets and the gorgeous girls. The start of the semester symbolises the start of the game. And although the suit and car would help with the hunt, we don’t worry about that ‘cause we’re hunting in new underwear and smelling like a melted Dairy Milk, ready for it!
Unfortunately, with that rotten weather engulfing us over the past while, there hasn’t been much scope for fashion as people are going for sensible dress, opting for warmth over “wow” and simple over standout. This isn’t bad however. With the recent rebirth of the Air Max, I think it’s safe to say that the bad weather may be preventing us from shopping, which is preventing the possible purchase of the classic footwear. Ideal for hopping fences; back walls into estates; long distance sprints after your egg smashes off house 44’s living room window; and the inevitable game of 52 bonkers or knockouts on the green, hopefully we won’t see too many walking around campus. Their time has come and gone, gone meaning should not return.
What we do have to look forward to (apart from the end of storm season) are a certain number of events this semester. Formal balls (haha) and hopefully, the student race day, are the best reasons possible for starting to scout out some nice suits. As I have said in the past, Penneys should really be your first stop. It is too easy to overspend on suits. Go to Penneys and pick one up for around 70 bills (shoes and all, kid). Why waste your hard earned cash (people always assume we work hard) on an expensive suit when you’re gonna end up absolutely gee-eyed, trying to do the worm on the dance floor or at the bar with your tie around your head, frothing? Ideally, you want to get something that fits well and looks acceptable, but you don’t mind spilling pints on, losing buttons or the odd fag burn. We also have the summer ball to look forward to. Always one of the best nights of the year, even when you wake up fully clothed without your boxers on, covered in muck!
Craig Sutton and Seán Ó Grifín