I’m sure many DCU students are still devastated by the fact that they never received a Hogwarts letter after turning eleven.
It was tough to accept the cruel reality that you wouldn’t get to study subjects like Herbology and Defence Against the Dark Arts and Divination. The only trolls in school bathrooms were the scary sixth year girls without any make-up on, and Butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks was substituted for cans in the nearest park. Anybody that went by the name of ‘Moaning Myrtle’ was probably just a transition year with a bad reputation, while the closest you’d ever get to a Hippogriff would be if English and Maths teachers were to cross-breed.
You thought you’d never get the magical experience that Hogwarts has to offer. That is, until you accepted a place in Dublin City University.
It’s simple: the CAO is essentially the Sorting Hat that decides whether you’re in or out. After that, students are separated into different ‘schools’ like the way Hogwarts is separated into different ‘houses’.
So where lies DCU’s inner-Hogwarts?
The Business School is the equivalent to the cunning House of Salazar Slytherin. Students here come across as model citizens, but underneath their straight-laced exterior is a capitalist society, and these folk are only looking out for themselves.
Ravenclaw is described as the “ideal house in which to reside”. It’s no surprise then that it’s comparable to the Faculty of Engineering and Computing, the brainiacs with the brightest futures. Everybody wants to get on their good side because, let’s face it, they’re going to be the ones rolling in the Galleons in a few years’ time.
The Faculty of Science and Health has to be Gryffindor. We’ve all seen Grey’s Anatomy, and let’s be honest – only bravery akin to Godric Gryffindor’s would see people willingly choose to tend to septic wounds and clean out bedpans. Major respect.
With the number of DCU sports-stars flocking to and from the Nursing building, it’s no surprise that this faculty is also the Quidditch team to beat.
The Hufflepuffs of DCU are the Humanities and Social Science students. Just like their Hufflepuff counterparts, everybody in the Henry Grattan building are truly lovely people, but nobody reeeeaaally knows just quite what they’re here for. Of course, you do get the odd Cedric Diggory destined for success… Well, that’s as long as they aren’t taken out by the most evil wizard of all time. Watch out Laura Whitmore.
Hogsmeade comes in the form of The Hub, a bustling place where students go to get away from the stress of their education. DCUfm fills the Shrieking Shack shaped holes in our hearts. The NuBar is our Three Broomsticks, with ‘Hogbombs’ being a fine equivalent to the magical Firewhiskey of the wizarding world.
6. The Great Hall
The Restaurant is obviously the Great Hall. It’s a place where all students can gather together and eat and swig pumpkin juice (or Starbucks) and laugh and be merry. The only difference is that instead of the food magically appearing in front of you at meal times, you have to get into a queue that’s 7,639,403 miles long and potentially emotionally scarring.
7. The Library
The library pretty much speaks for itself. The ‘restricted section’ is situated on the top floor, where only the fittest and most brave of heart would dare to venture (solely because of the amount of bloody stairs).
And finally, just like Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, “Dublin City University will always be there to welcome you home”.