Mantalk #10

All good things must come to an end: Biggie check-mated by Suge Knight; Katie French, erased; Margaret Thatcher, creased; and the reign of Martin Cahill. The best leave a lasting taste on your palette, much like your last trip to Pattaya. For my final verbal onslaught I want to leave you with a cocktail of life tools I abide by and find effective, some of which were embedded messages in previous logs.

1. Be Yourself
If you cry when you are alone, there is something wrong with you. Look no further than yourself. Be good company to your conscious, don’t rely on others to appease you, make yourself laugh, entertain your mind, be your own best friend. How can you expect people to like you if you don’t like who you are? Don’t escape through substances; you may long to be that overstated “legend” that is you under the influence of Holsten Pils but if you want to be that person, get there without dropping a tonne of green papers. Same goes for drugs.

2. Be an Individual
If your DNA is the only thing that sets you apart from the next man, please readdress what it is you contribute to the human race. Make your own choices, don’t be influenced by others. This can be achieved by opening your eyes and taking off your commercially glazed Dior shades.

3. Be Happy
Child, you don’t know what a recession is; back in the 80s most families ate dog food through a communal straw. Anyone in this country, especially those of who are the recipients of third-level education should not complain and be unhappy with their lives. We do not live in a dictatorship, a warzone, grave poverty or the USA; we live in an amazing country which has infinite opportunities. Ireland is like a spoiled child on a diet. Smile.

4. Be Open-Minded
Ignorance is a comforter. Being in your comfort zone is useless, you’ll learn nothing more than your typical surroundings; know a bit about a lot. If you choose to be comfortable get used to holidaying in Magaluf, eating chips on a Sunday in Bray and watching Eastenders.

5. Be Honest
Honesty shows a good, clear conscious. Being honest is being a good human. When you are old and about to die, you will regret not being a good human.

6. Be Passionate
Live and love living.

7. Try New Shit
I never wrote before this college year.

“A man is a universe within himself” – Bob Marley

Last ever Mantalk, what do we think about that…Shite! But it’s been good and I suppose, the end was inevitable. But what a beautiful end it is (sun shining as I write this). Fresh cut grass, women slowly getting rid of that extra layer of clothing, summer approaching. A shit load of assignments but sure who cares? Be grand. Slightly reminiscent as I write this, my last article, my last semester.

Things I’ll miss are the cans, the people, that’s it really. Things I won’t miss are lecturers, Moodle and trying to find a plug in the library. Never mind the Labyrinth, get more sockets!

Looking back at the four years in DCU, I’m gonna try throw together a few things that I thought made my time in DCU and if you can, maybe you could try tick a few off the auld bucket list.

#1: Cans in the park: One of the most cherished experiences – a hape of students slugging back a rake of cans, glistening in the sunshine, who gives a f**k about anything! Class. Hopefully we’ll get the sunshine for a few days this year. Sure we’ll light a candle.

#2: Hopping the fence: Nothing better than a midnight chase from Oleg and the boys. Down into the underground carpark. Getting caught is even more fun, sure the boys are sound, except if you’re a winter hopper and they make you stand outside the sports centre until 6am in the morning. Then having to explain to the young one you were courting where your willy went and why it looks like a shrimp. “More of an ‘inny’ than an ‘outty’ eh?” “Sure it’s freezing outside”. Or if like me, you go to hop the fence and realise you’ve had one too many. Jelly legs, wah! Got a boost up one night and sat on the fence for about 20 minutes, had to get a boost back down. Those spikes look bigger from the top! Hop it even if you’re on campus!

#3: Summer ball day: And yes, I cannot wait for this epic of all epic days. Wife beaters essential. Get the Galahad in boys, we’re going all day. Shorts, beaters, tunes. Who could want more!

#4: Lecture hall? Play hall. An activity for most to tick of the bucket list: nothing beats some mid-evening-stress releasing more than a good solid riding in a lecture hall, faculty building or anywhere you’re not supposed to really! Live for regrets, not what if’s!

#5: Tepid-Tuesdays: Back in the good days of DCU, the historic Toxic Tuesdays was the most anticipated night of the week. Get off your tits, with everyone else that are off their tits, remember nothing only that it was class! Pre-drinking is most of the craic on a night out. Head in to the tepidarium around 8ish, beakers shteamed with vodka. Get pissed while you’re extremely chilled, what’s not to like? Showered, feeling fresh, back in time to catch the last hour on campus, check out the scene and straight to the Nubar. Mmmm, tepid.

The sun is out. Enjoy it. No regrets hon!


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