The seven people who do assignments

The 7 people who do assignments

The Laid-Back Classmate

Every class has that one infuriating guy or girl who’s constantly out partying and missing class to do fun things. Whenever they DO make it to class, they spend the duration scrolling through Facebook on their phone or having a power nap instead of paying attention …Yet they always seem to do well for themselves in assignments. College work comes naturally to them and they bang out the word count in minutes. No time for proof reading or editing – they have pre-drinks to attend. Somebody please tell us how that is fair.

The Library Genius

They hide themselves away in the library, diligently working on an assignment, often finishing it BEFORE the actual deadline. Who even knew you were allowed to do that?! They probably have a study timetable and are usually top of the class. This is the type of person that you pretend to look down on for being a “swot”, but in reality, you’re just jealous that they have their life together while you’re watching Jeremy Kyle and eating Nutella out of the jar with a spoon.

The Panicker

This type of assignment-doer spends more time panicking about the assignment than actually doing it. Their stress levels will be sky high at the thoughts an essay, and they might need to pop a couple of Valium before they even try to start cracking the Harvard referencing system. In stark contrast to the laid-back classmate, The Panicker will scrutinise every word they’ve written before they hand it up for fear of missing something- because everybody knows the world will implode if they’ve left out a single apostrophe.

The Last-Minute Person

They live their lives along the lines of “due tomorrow, do tomorrow”, the last-minute method of doing an assignment will be familiar to many students. It can often result in mini-mental breakdowns as all-nighters are pulled to complete projects lecturers assigned months ago. They’ll often claim “I work better under pressure” but really they’re just in denial. These procrastinators are usually spotted at Spar at around 6pm the night before a deadline with a six-pack of Redbull and four bananas. ‘Cause, y’know, potassium makes your brain work better.

The Person Who Does It All Wrong

You really have to feel sorry for this person. They slave away at an assignment, thinking they’re on track for a well-deserved First, and then the doubt kicks in. Thoughts such as “that assignment was TOO easy” and “you never understand assignments, what the hell is going on here?” creep into their mind, and while discussing the essay with classmates in the NuBar after submitting it, they realise they’ve misinterpreted the question completely. Cue the shots.

The One Who Gets Somebody Else To Do It

They have millions of contacts around campus and zero motivation to do the assignment, so they ask someone who’s already taken the class to do it for them. Money could exchange hands, or maybe the person owes them a favour. In any case, these crafty people get the grades without any of the actual effort. Maybe good, honest, hard-work is overrated?

The Phantom

You’ve never seen them in class. You couldn’t pick them out from a crowd of two people. You get emails notifying you that they’ve submitted an assignment on Moodle. Wait, what?

Jade O’Leary

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