Life after the end of a long relationship

Isabella Finn

Break ups are never easy and dealing with a break up after a long-term relationship, let’s say a year plus, can be a tedious, hurtful and lonely process but here is a quick walk through the whole ordeal.

So now you’re single and depending on how comfortable you were in your relationship you might feel lost and confused as what to do next. You are torturing yourself if you are scrolling through your ex’s social media pages. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that keeping them as a friend on Facebook is the ‘mature’ thing to do. No.

Even though your first instinct is to try to reconnect with your ex, you really should be giving yourself some space. If you don’t want to block or unfriend your ex’s social media pages, you can use internet algorithms to limit what you see of your ex’s content. When you remove your ‘relationship status’ on Facebook, the site actually offers to censor your former partners page from you, you can decline this of course but at least Facebook also understands that you need space.

When a long-term relationship ends people flock from the skies to make sure that you are okay. This is where you need to be careful. Some people don’t actually care for your wellbeing during this testing time but indulge in others misery to make themselves feel better. Some people instantly recognise the white ink tattoo of “REBOUND” inscribed on your forehead. These people are more dangerous than the misery seekers. 

Rebounders, let’s call them that, will disguise themselves as platonic friends that want to be your shoulder to cry on. They will say all of the right things and they might even help you feel a bit better, that’s because you think they genuinely care about you. But when you least expect it, they will confess that they have ‘feelings’ for you, and you a fragile being, will melt like butter at their words. When the rebounder has accomplished their task of earning your trust and giving you romantic hope, they will leave. You can bet that this might disturb your healing process.

The people that you can trust are those that instantly let you dry your eyes in their clothes and stain their shoulders in mascara and foundation. They will assemble themselves as a break up army and come to your house for a movie marathon because they don’t want you to feel alone.

You don’t even have to know these people for too long but you more than appreciate their presence. When you’re ready, they will help you re-apply your mascara and foundation and most importantly will let you whine on for hours about your ex.

Now that you know who your good friends are you can let time take the wheel. Day by day the break up stings a little less, except for when your ex and his new partner decide that your place of work is the perfect location to go on a date. The pain of that is indescribable and could you set you back a month or two. But then you start thinking “if he’s dating again, why aren’t I?”. 

Break ups change people. Depending on the wear and tear of the experience your expectations and preferences in a partner change. This all contributes to when you’re ready to start dating again. You’re ready when you meet someone and the risk of the reward outweighs the fear of getting hurt.

Isabella Finn

Image Credit: Isabella Finn