Planning King Charles’ Luxury Irish Holiday

Donal McEvoy

Now that our estranged neighbours have a new face on their five pound note, it’s only tradition that they begin their pilgrimage over here to Ireland. King Charles has declared that he wants to visit every county in Ireland, so we’re going to provide him with a handy tourist guide for this country. 

Lizzies death may have been sudden and tragic, but it couldn’t have come at a better time for those into their farming. We believe King Charles would have a blast at the annual ploughing championship in Laois. One thing the monarchy loves are their freebies, from their generationally inherited wealth to their free bus passes, so the many goodie bags on offer will sure to be a delight to him.

After being in Laois for so long, it’s only natural that one would miss the sea. Being the prominent rower in his youth, we think Charles should take a day trip to the beach, Dingle to be exact. Charles has been on this earth for 73 years so he’d be looking to connect with someone around his age… like Fungi the dolphin. Nobody is exactly sure how long Fungi has been around for, rumours suggest possibly the Triassic period, so we think that he and Charles could bond over antiquities and boomer culture.

Naturally as a tourist, it’s hard to avoid Dublin, specifically the Temple Bar area, and we think Charles would love a freezing, cold €7.50 pint in the heart of the square. Nothing makes you thirstier than waiting in a queue for twenty minutes after all. While he waits in line for a bev, he can send out one of his personal aides to grab his a cosy woollen jumper from one of the many O’Carrolls dotted around the block. 

Finally, we end the tour down in the south (strategically avoiding the north). Cork have always declared themselves the capital, so it would only make sense for Charles to pay a visit. While he may need the assistance of a local translator, we’re sure Charles would have a wonderful time perusing the many old man bars on offer. Once he’s finished his pub crawl bender, his majesty can head back home to the palace via the lovely Kinsale airport, after he waits a week for a flight to appear.